i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
