All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
