I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
