my sisters under your porch take her home
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
