I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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