Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
