Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
