Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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