Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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