Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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