Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
