Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
