apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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