Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
