Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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