I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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