Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
