sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
