We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
