You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
