My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
