He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
