I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
