Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
