if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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