no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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