He is an equal opportunity slut.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
