He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
