We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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