well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i believe in u and ur pee
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