I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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