she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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