Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
