Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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