Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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