I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
