I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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