I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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