Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
