Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
