just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
