I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
