I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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