or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
