You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
