No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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