sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
