I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
