just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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