it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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