My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
