Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
