end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's rum buckets o'clock
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize